When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
