wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
not ubering you a puppy
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
