I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm going to jail i love you
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
