so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
