a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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