My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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