When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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