New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
