we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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