i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
