Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
