Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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