Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
