wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
