We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
