were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
