fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You ruined the universe
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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