He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
