The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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