the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
