I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
