It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
