Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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