I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
