its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
