'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
