shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
