how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
