So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
