My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
