mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
