so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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