I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
