I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
