he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
