it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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