Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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