I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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