whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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