i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
