The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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