i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
