i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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