I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
