I wish I could teleport
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
