Taylor Swift is so right about you.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
