filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
