It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
