listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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