Don't make out with my wife yet
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
