I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
