Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Randomize
