i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
